But then something went wrong and the market snapped back into red territory. It could have been some disappointing earnings reports, the realities of ugly unemployment numbers, or the odd things the smart boys at Microsoft (MSFT) seem to be saying about how they were less than enthusiastic about the future of the entire global computer industry.

Even the recent less-than-terrible-news on the home sales front has not been enough to snap the market back into its solid upward movement.  It would have been nice if the market just steadily headed up for the next few years. Only a mere percent a month and we would all be happy. If inflation stays low, eventually you could recover all your losses and even a little extra. Maybe even start thinking about crazy things like a new car, vacation or turning your Netflix (NFLX) subscription back on.

Will the bear win again this year?

Even bears can get into trouble

But then the stock market’s upward movement was disrupted and things started to drop. Those talking heads on CNBC and Bloomberg were talking about something called a bear market rally. But why pick on the bears? They didn’t have anything to do with the series of financial fiascos that got us to where we are now.  At least I don’t think they did.

The last time I checked, bears are smelly woodland creatures that mostly keep to themselves unless you are a camper who leaves food out at night. Especially marshmallows, Pop Tarts – made by Kellogg’s (K), or unwashed pans of burned Kraft (KFT) macaroni and cheese. Then you can certainly expect a visit from Mr. Bear at your campsite.

So I assigned this to one of our efficient yet slightly green-behind-the-ears interns. Luckily, it was one who spoke fluent English. And I gave him a full thirty minutes to find out why they call it a bear market. I was on a deadline, after all; thirty minutes was just long enough for me to run down to the 7-Eleven for a slushy and box of donuts to power me for the next few hours.

One good benefit about this thing they are calling a recession is that interns are more eager than ever. When I returned from my food run, I found an email waiting with everything I needed on the origination of the term “Bear Markets”. Actually, the trusty intern provided a few different possible stories.

Could this solve Wall Street’s problems?

Could this be the original Wall Street bear?

Mr. Jackson was a trapper, hunter, and card player who had an unusually large collection of lethal working guns and was not afraid to use them. After many years he had amassed what at the time could be considered a sizable fortune. One day, a friend mentioned to Mr. Jackson that he knew a guy who might be able to invest his money so he could take it out of that mattress where he kept it hidden and put it somewhere safer. But this investment guru only took on a select number of clients. If he agreed to invest your money, that meant you were in an extremely important group of the smartest and best people. 

Without hesitation, Mr. Jackson hauled his entire mattress over to this investment expert who had a shiny office and a lot of people running around looking busy. For many months Mr. Jackson received impressive dividend checks, but eventually the country was hit by a recession.  Buggy makers were failing, banks shut their doors, and government programs expanded like they could print all the money they wanted. Mr. Jackson got worried and decided it was a good time to cash out. Unfortunately, his investment advisor gave him the bad news that all his money was gone; he would have to fill his mattress with duck feathers because all the money had disappeared.