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InvestorsObserver
Featured
Contributor
Lee M. Allen
In the past, when the economy has been in disarray or crumbling at its very foundation, some new industry has usually popped up and generated the excitement, revenues, and jobs to snap things back into shape. Somewhere in a big stadium, 42,326 newly unemployed economists are waiting for the next big thing to appear and kick the U.S. economy back on an upward trajectory. That is what economists do best… Wait for something to happen then warn us they saw it coming for months but no one would listen.
Hundreds of years ago it was the industrial revolution that firmly put this country on track to be a world power. If I remember my history correctly, those interchangeable parts a guy named McCormick invented for his reaper or cotton gin or iPod were at the front end and Henry Ford with his one-size-fits-all, any-color-you-want-as-long-as-it’s-black cars for the masses were at the other end of that particular revolution.
A few other revolutions, like the single family suburban home, computer revolution and the Internet revolution, followed the industrial revolution, but those appear to be about played out at this point. By played out, I mean don’t expect companies like Pulte (PHM), Lennar (LEN), Dell (DELL), International Business Machines (IBM), Oracle (ORCL) or Yahoo! (YHOO) in their current form to supply a sufficient revolution to end this current recession.
The next revolution may be the biggest one of them all. It will be known as the Clone Revolution… |
Another day at the Avon human
cloning
test kitchen
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Read on for more of Lee’s insights into why we need human cloning now...
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When the industrial revolution was first gearing up people warned that it would be the end of civilization. I didn’t personally hear these warnings because I wasn’t born yet; but older people I have chatted with in line at the 7-Eleven assure me there was quite a frenzy. Those speeding steam engines, automobiles, tall buildings, and Jello – made by Kraft (KFT)- were the devil’s work for sure. And electricity! That stuff had to be too dangerous to bring into your house. Protect your children from the new-fangled canned lightning!
And this is exactly the same way certain people have been talking about cloning. People always seem to be afraid of the next new thing.
A soon to be popular shirt
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That is until a talented and thorough writer lays out all the benefits of cloning in plain English so the masses and those people in Washington can understand more fully all the good things about cloning and how this can probably create more jobs and a stronger economy than any government bailout.
Believe it or not, there are people out there who think cloning is a bad thing. They get a little upset when you talk about cloning sheep or cows. But when you talk about human cloning, that’s when they pull out the signs and take turns on the picket line. They save their pitchforks and flaming spears for after the sun goes down.
So let’s be clear here… I’m talking about human cloning, and, when I’m done, you will be in line to get a clone of your very own. |
To show that I am a truly fair and balanced writer, I will state right up front that if I were shopping at the neighborhood Safeway (SWY) or Whole Foods (WFMI), I wouldn’t buy a cloned steak no matter how organic it was. There’s no way I am knowingly going to put something in my stomach that was manufactured in a laboratory from DNA odds and ends.
But if the Avon (AVP) lady rang my doorbell and showed me a new home cloning kit – slogan: “It’s A New You” - in her wonderful full-color catalog, I would buy it in a minute. That is, right after I got on my TD Ameritrade (AMTD) online brokerage account and bought as much Avon stock as I could.
With this Avon home human cloning kit, you would just use a pin – included in the kit – to prick your finger for a blood sample. Put the sample in the test tube and mail it back to Avon. They would even include a handy alcohol swab and colorful Band-Aid in the kit, along with various samples of other fine Avon personal hygiene and smell-enhancing products.
A few weeks later, someone who looks exactly like you but dressed in a pink Avon jump suit is dropped off at your front door by a United Parcel Service (UPS) delivery guy.
It could be just that simple.
Then the fun begins… |
Only available from your friendly
neighborhood Avon Lady
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That garage you’ve been meaning to clean, those dirty windows, helping the kids with their algebra homework -- all those fun tasks go right onto your clone’s to-do list. And when they’re done, your clone gets to go into the office for you so you have time for more important things like catching up on your Netflix (NFLX) movie viewing.
But then I guess there might be all kinds of huge practical and pesky moral questions that could pop up. Suffice it to say that the Avon home cloning kit includes a handy booklet written in eight different languages that covers all these thorny questions and more. But here are a few of them and how they might be answered…
Clones gone wild
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What should you name your clone?
It could get confusing if you have two people around the house with the same name so Avon will tattoo an appropriate name to the left cheek of your clone’s buttocks. This will also help your spouse tell the difference between you and your clone. Unfortunately, the person in charge of clone names at Avon is from West Virginia, so all the names will be something like Cletus, Buck, Chester, Earlene, Sears (SHLD), Floyde, Jasmynn Mae, and Ford (F). Don’t ask where the name Ford came from or you might get a more graphic explanation than you wanted. And… No; you can’t name your own clone, so don’t even ask. |
Does your clone have the right to vote?
Check with your local political machine and I am sure they would be glad to find a way to make sure your clone’s votes count. Probably more than once.
Does your clone ever get a day off?
Absolutely not. Life is just too busy to give your clone any time off.
Do you need separate health insurance for your clone?
Look at your driver’s license. Your clone looks just like the person on your license. That should be good enough for the harried personnel at the hospital emergency room. No extra health insurance required. This is part of the efficiency part of having a clone. Two people on the same health insurance. Just try to avoid both of you hitting the same emergency room at the same time unless it is a Saturday night toward the end of a long shift. The emergency room workers will just think they are seeing double again.
What if it turns out your clone is not a nice person?
Take advantage of the Avon Human Cloning Kit 90-day absolute guarantee and send your clone back. But don’t be surprised some day if you are driving through some far away town and you see someone who looks like you going door to door with an Avon sample case. Don’t feel bad about this. Your clone will always smell nice and have great-looking skin.
Can you order a clone of someone else?
There will certainly be a strong warning against cloning other people. Unfortunately, it will be in very small print just under the Norwegian version of the clone kit manual. So a new kind of paparazzi–like characters will emerge who make money snatching DNA material from various celebrities. And let’s not even get into the endless possibilities of cloning dead celebrities. That’s right; expect a chain of bars to pop up in major cities called Sinatra’s and guess who would be performing every night? |
Early human cloning tests gone wrong
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Sure, there will be people who think this human cloning thing could have lots of pitfalls, but when they find out they never have to clean their garage, do windows, or battle with high school algebra again, I’m sure they’ll change their minds and join the Avon generation.
If you have any ideas for or against the marvels of human cloning or a favorite celebrity, dead or alive, you would like a duplicate of, please e-mail me at LeeAllen@InvestorsObserver.com.
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CLICK HERE to begin your 90 DAYS FREE.
We can make this 90 day FREE offer because we are confident you will find our service an essential part of your investing toolkit and stay a subscriber for many years to come. Our biggest risk is that we do find people cancel their subscriptions when they move to their own private islands without internet access. |
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