I try to stay out of grocery stores since, to a person like me, those aisles are an endless buffet. I am only limited by how much stuff I can pile in the shopping cart. Like a breadcrumb trail, things keep sliding off the top of the heap as I move toward the checkout line. When I get home with all the trappings from my grocery store trip, it would be nice if I had a team of Sherpas to help carry things into the house. But lugging in all the bags is as close as I get to anything that looks like a workout.

Then the fun part starts. This is where my wife inspects every item and asks, “Why did you buy this?”  My standard answer is, “It looked yummy.”

So I was very worried about this assignment because I would need to venture into the local Kroger (KR), Safeway (SWY), or Whole Foods (WFMI) to do research. Of course, I requested a large withdrawal from the office petty cash because my job would be to purchase, test, and compare national-brand foods to store-brand foods. 

It was a tough job, but someone had to do it. I was the right man for the job. I may have to use two shopping carts to use up all the petty cash.

Store-brand cost cutting strategy #1:
If you advertise, use the product for wardrobe.
The guys in accounting came up with that idea

Store-brand cost cutting strategy #2:
The guys in accounting name the products

My first introduction to store-brand generic foods years ago was not a pleasant experience. It was back in my college days when I shared an apartment off campus with someone who at first I thought was compatible with me. That concept would receive a jolt in about our third week under the same roof.

In a typical apartment, two college students can map out certain areas to call their own for desks and such. They can separate their personal food in the refrigerator, clean up their own messes as they develop, turn moldy, and spread, create a tie-on-the-doorknob signal for when someone special is over for a late night Astronomy “study session”. But there are inevitably apartment ecosystem items that are impractical to split up. For these items like cleaning products, paper towels, and bathroom tissue, we resorted to a very organized strategy where we would take turns buying the needed materials. It all seemed so workable in concept; how could it have gone so wrong?

Eventually, my college roommate and I resorted to keeping our own private toilet paper in separate bags with our names written on them so he could use his generic while I used the premium brand. When people visited us they were warned ahead of time to bring their own toilet paper if they planned on using our facilities. Most visits were short.

There must be some kind of life lesson in this incident because we remained roommates for many years – much longer than some marriages last.

Store-brand generic groceries have come a long way since my college days, mostly driven by margin and profit hungry store operators like Wal-Mart (WMT), Target (TGT), and Costco (COST). Since these products are commodities like pasta, soda, or even vanilla ice-cream, grocery chains can squeeze the manufacturers for the lowest prices and best terms possible. Who knows what they actually put in the packages?

Think about that the next time you go shopping.

Store-brand cost cutting strategy
#3: Use only two colors on the packages and have the guys in accounting do the design

Store-brand cost cutting strategy #4:
Copy as much as you can from the national brands and have the guys in accounting
cut and paste the pictures

Who really knows which manufacturer makes those store-brand generic products? It could be some huge company like Lockheed Martin (LMT), Boeing (BA), or United Technologies Corp. (UTX).

A safer way to approach store-brand food items might be to have your kids sample them first. Wait about thirty minutes and then, if they are not puking, go ahead and enjoy the food. It’s probably safe.

How did the Lee Family spaghetti dinner blind taste test go?

After the last time I cooked dinner, my family was a little worried to see me at the stove. Before I finished preparing the meal, the doorbell rang and a Domino’s Pizza (DPZ) man delivered a few extra-large pizzas.
 
I packed up all the store-brand generic products and sent them to my old college roommate. He would probably be disappointed there was no bathroom tissue. I put all that in my kids’ bathroom.

Store-brand cost cutting strategy #5:
Use lower cost migrant workers to
deliver and stock products.
The guys in accounting never ask where
 the workers come from.